When people talk about IVF (In Vitro Fertilization), they usually go one of two ways: overly clinical or unrealistically hopeful.
What rarely gets mentioned? The messy middle which is the reality. The parts you only discover when you are already in the stirrups, silently praying to the fertility gods or googling “how many follicles is enough?” at 2 A.M.
IVF is becoming a more popular option not only for couples dealing with infertility, but also for single women, same-sex couples, and even career-minded women wanting to protect their fertility. Despite its increased prominence, the experience remains cloaked in half-truths and brochure-level optimism.
IVF offers actual hope, yes. But, beyond the glossy pamphlets and well-lit waiting rooms, there are emotional rollercoasters, financial sinkholes, and quiet grieving that no one prepares you for. This isn’t to scare you; it is to prepare you, because if you’re going to walk through fire, you should know where the hot spots are.
If you’re a young adult thinking about freezing your eggs, making embryos, or just trying to understand what IVF actually does, buckle up. Because while your doctor will hand you a pamphlet and some medical jargon, here’s what they won’t tell you, but I absolutely will.
Doctors will tell you that IVF can be emotionally taxing, which is like saying a hurricane is a bit windy. Each failed cycle seems like a tiny heartbreak. You wait for blood test results like they are lottery numbers, and when the results are bad, again, it hits you hard. It will seem like the hope, the injections, the procedures, the waiting were all for nothing.
IVF can put a burden on couples. You might find yourself snapping at your partner, avoiding baby showers, or withdrawing from friends who became pregnant without trying. Meanwhile, the hormones play havoc with you, one moment you’re fine, the next you are brawling over an adorable puppy in a commercial. Just know that the hormones are playing with your emotions.
The emotional fatigue is real. What your doctor won’t tell you about IVF is that it tests not just your body, but also your mind, your relationship, and your spirit. And no one tells you how long the grief can last between attempts.
After attempting to conceive for the fourth time via IVF, a lady stated, “I was prepared for injections—not for the loneliness I’d feel every time I got bad news.”
“The repeated hope and disappointment cycle is one of the most psychologically exhausting parts of IVF,” explains Dr. Ifeoma Okoye, reproductive endocrinologist at Lagos Fertility Centre. “It’s crucial to plan for emotional support from the start.”
Let’s not pretend; IVF is expensive, not just “this-is-an-investment” expensive. We’re talking “sell-a-kidney-on-the-dark-web” expensive. And how much does your clinic quote?
That is often just the entry fee. They’ll say things like “per cycle,” but what they mean is “round one of five, maybe six if your eggs feel like cooperating.” You have got medications, pre-cycle blood tests, ultrasounds, embryo freezing, storage costs, maybe genetic testing, all before you ever transfer an embryo. In fact, it costs enough to fund an entire Island.
I hope you’ve been investing in cryptocurrency or selling Non-Fungible Token (NFTs), because IVF prices aren’t for the weak.
Many insurance policies (particularly in Nigeria and most other part of the world) either exclude or cover only the fundamentals of IVF. You’ll be depleting your funds, running up credit card debt, or crowd fundraising from friends and strangers.
Worse still is the emotional toll of spending thousands with no guarantee. You’re purchasing a chance, not an outcome. And that’s a difficult pill to swallow when the credit card bill is more than the progesterone shots.
When a clinic says it has a 50% success rate, it usually means that 50% of cycles may lead to a pregnancy, not necessarily a live birth. And that statistic may only apply to women under 35 who use fresh embryos without any complicating circumstances. If you are older, have limited ovarian reserve, or use donor eggs/sperm, that number changes drastically.
There is also a distinction between per-cycle success and cumulative success (how many cycles are required to obtain a result). And most brochures don’t say how many people give up after one, two, or three failed attempts.
In short, do not allow success rates mislead you into false confidence. Ask the hard questions and read the fine print. You want clarity from your doctor, not marketing jargon.
“Patients often misunderstand statistics,” says Dr. Femi Balogun, a fertility researcher. “One cycle’s success rate does not guarantee a baby — it’s only a probability, not a promise.”
IVF is not only emotionally draining; but it can also physically knock you sideways. Hormones injections during IVF procedure might cause bloating, mood swings, weight gain, headaches, and fatigue. Then there is OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) a painful and potentially dangerous condition where your ovaries go into overdrive.
Let us not forget egg retrieval. It may sound like a routine outpatient procedure, but many people experience discomfort, pain, and even long-term implications if done repeatedly.
And if you are doing multiple cycles, the cumulative physical toll cannot be overlooked. Doctors often skim over this aspect, but your body will feel this process, and you should honour that.
I once met a woman who burst into tears in a grocery aisle because she couldn’t find her favourite brand of Indomie — hormones had her living on a knife edge.
At some point in the IVF process, you will start communicating with your ovaries as if they were cranky co-workers. You will understand your follicle count much better than your credit score.
And somehow, witnessing your uterus on a screen becomes your new version of a Friday night out. You might as well publish a book or a memoir called “Letter to my ovaries or “The Egg Retrieval Diaries.”
Hormonal chaos exists, when that strange feeling towards your uterus arises, realise that it is not you. It is the science juice that flows through your veins like a hormonal rollercoaster on steroids.
The impact on your identity is one of the most difficult aspects of IVF. You begin each cycle brimming with cautious optimism that this is the one. But when it doesn’t work, it can feel deeply personal, as if your body has betrayed you.
Similarly, societal pressure exacerbates the sense of failure. In cultures that highly value parenthood, particularly among women, not conceiving feels like breaking an unspoken rule. Even well-meaning individuals say the wrong things: “Maybe it’s just not meant to be,” or “You can always adopt.” You may find these words unhelpful.
The guilt, the shame, and the silent self-blame will all creep in. The world urges you to stay positive, yet sometimes all you need is permission to feel devastated. And that is okay, you’re a human and not a baby-making machine.
IVF is one part miracle, one part madness, and a whole lot of mayhem in between. It’s brave, it’s vulnerable, and yeah sometimes it can be tough. However, nobody advises you that IVF might trigger a full-blown identity crisis. You may have burning questions, such as:
Your doctor may not tell you or prepare you ahead of time that IVF is more than just a medical procedure; it raises concerns about life, identity, and values that few people are prepared to face. And your doctor will probably not bring them up until you do.
One couple I know argued for months about whether to donate unused embryos to research, because they couldn’t bear the thought of discarding potential siblings.
You may hear statements like, “Oh, my cousin’s friend’s sister did acupuncture and it totally worked.” “Have you tried cutting out gluten?” Suddenly, every auntie, co-worker, and random stranger at the grocery store offers Fertility advice. Meanwhile, you’re immersed in Google searches, forums, and wondering if it’s okay to scream into a pillow.
Here is what your doctor rarely tells you and the quiet part nobody says out loud: IVF process is hard and it doesn’t always work, even after years, thousands of Naira spent and every trick tried. So what then?
Some people try again, some shift toward adoption, and others begin to explore the path of a child-free life but not as a failure, but as a powerful, purposeful decision. Wherever you land, it is essential to redefine fulfilment, discover joy outside of motherhood and recover your identity, your relationships, and your peace because you are whole with or without a child.
“Your happiness and identity are bigger than any treatment outcome,” says Dr. Amaka Obi, an adoption counsellor in Abuja. “Families are built in many ways.”
Let’s be real going through IVF already feels like a part-time job with no benefits and regular hormone injections. When you combine many multiple clinic appointments, awkward pelvic ultrasounds, early morning blood draws, and hours in traffic, and you start to wonder, if there is a less soul-draining way to accomplish this.
Yes, telemedicine is the beautiful world of doctor appointments in pyjamas, awkward eye contact over Zoom, and finally getting real answers without sitting in a freezing clinic with out-of-date magazines.
Telemedicine allows you to communicate with your doctor or nurse on your own terms, in your own safe space, rather than having to travel to the clinic for every conversation.
As you already aware, IVF is a full-fledged emotional rollercoaster that your doctor will not tell you about. Kompletecare provides fertility-specific therapists so you don’t feel like you’re losing your mind alone.
Also, not everyone lives within 10 minutes of a fertility clinic. Some of us live in underserved areas. Telemedicine levels the playing field by connecting you to top-tier reproductive endocrinologists without having to uproot your life.
In addition, it makes it easier for your partner to participate in the conversation. They can join video calls, ask their own questions, and feel more involved in the process without having to take time from work or faint during injections.
You deserve to know the whole truth, including what your doctor won’t tell you about IVF. Yes, IVF is a marvel of modern medicine. However, it is also a marathon one paved with needles, invoices, and moments of both ecstasy and despair. It doesn’t’ come with a refund policy or emotional support hotline.
You deserve more than just a treatment plan, you deserve truth, as well as support and grace on days when your courage is running low. Most importantly, you deserve to know that you are not alone.
IVF is a journey of courage, resilience, heartbreak, and hope. Being prepared is the best gift you can give yourself.
There is no assurance when it comes to IVF. Many people believe that once the IVF process begins, it is just a matter of time before they are holding a baby. Unfortunately, that is not the case. IVF does not offer you a 100% chance of conception.
Raising couples questions like “Are you pregnant yet?” or “Can’t you just adopt?” could be emotionally charged and upsetting for them. Rather, demonstrate your support in any way they require. Typically, families going through IVF require a shoulder to weep on, or a friend or family member to simply listen.
IVF drugs may remain in your bloodstream for 8 to 14 days.
The following are some of the main causes that may lead to the failure of IVF treatment.
Possible complications include poor egg quality, implant failure, abnormal embryos, PCOS, uterine abnormalities, lifestyle, genetic issues, and medication side effects.
One of the IVF adverse effects is early delivery and/or low birth weight. The overall success rate of IVF treatment declines with age. Furthermore, older women are more prone to have miscarriages and birth abnormalities than younger women.
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