BirthingSpotlight (Episode 2): Mrs. Adaeze’s Pregnancy Journey

BirthingSpotlight is a blog series dedicated to young moms, shining a light on the overwhelming journey most of them go through unprepared. We interview first-time moms and expecting mothers (at KompleteCare, we know them as Adaeze), and share their unique pregnancy experiences with the world. We hope these stories will help other women prepare well before taking in.

Our second edition of #BirthingSpotlight, featured Mrs. Adaeze – a lawyer who gladly took us through her pregnancy story. Nothing out of the ordinary, but it was refreshing listening to her recount her experiences, including her battle with Carpal Tunnel, and also the weird cravings.

She believes the better way to go through pregnancy is to keep busy, as much as your body would allow you to.

Aisha: Hi, thank you so much for joining us. My name is Aisha, the Aisha of KompleteCare (chuckles). Can we meet you?

R: Hi Aisha. My name is R (*name redacted). I am a business lawyer, a wife, and a mom of one. That’s practically what my life is about right now.

Aisha: Yeah, interesting. How long have you been married?

R: One year and 11 months, will be two years next month.

Aisha: Wow, Nice, congratulations in advance. Thank you. How old is our baby? Is it a boy or a girl?

R: She’s a girl, she’s three months and two weeks.

Aisha: Three months and two weeks. Congratulations to you and hubby again.

What was your pregnancy journey like? You had any specific events that were memorable for you, either in a good sense or in a scary sense?

R: Okay, well, my pregnancy was actually eventful. I did not have so many issues as many other people would complain to have, but I had a few.

I didn’t throw up. I just felt nauseated occasionally, but I didn’t throw up. To be honest, I didn’t even know that was nausea. I had never really experienced that until the pregnancy. But it made taking medicine quite hard. There was always that feeling like it was still hanging in there.

So, my doctor gave me ferrobine* and this other folic acid. Those were the only medicines I took. I was supposed to take lots of vitamins, but I was limited to only those two because of nausea. And then I also had Carpal tunnel in my second trimester. Apparently, there’s pregnancy-induced arthritis.

Aisha: Are you serious? How does that happen exactly? I mean, isn’t Carpal Tunnel supposed to be something that affects just the hand?

R: Yeah, the hands. I could not use them. I couldn’t carry anything at all. It was very painful. My hands would swell up if I attempted any heavy lifting.

It affected me during the second trimester. I thought I had maybe hit my hand somewhere and just didn’t know. Until I stumbled on a YouTube video one day and heard somebody say they went through that as well.

I was shocked. It started to make sense. I called my doctor and he confirmed it was just the pregnancy.

Aisha: Okay? It eventually reduced after you gave birth?

R: Yes, after pregnancy. That was when it reduced. The entire thing affected me for six months.

Aisha: Wow. Was that the only weird changes you noticed?

R: Well, there was also the skin discolouration. I heard it doesn’t happen to every lady. But for me, my skin changed, you know, especially after the second trimester. I had discolouration in several patches here and there.

I also got darker. Then my nose got big. But I was strong all through though. I was very energetic. I did a lot of work and I never like staying idle or even being alone at home.

I took a lot of gigs and just kept on doing that, so the days would pass quickly. You know, sometimes those nine months feel like forever. Mine wasn’t even nine months. I gave birth just around the 40^th week, which makes it almost 10 months.

Aisha: Oh. that was quite long. In all of that though, would you consider yourself well prepared for pregnancy?

R: Well, I wouldn’t say I prepared for it. But then in fact, I desired it by the time it came because we actually did not plan to have a baby immediately after we got married. We wanted to stay for like six months.

But then even after six months, we didn’t conceive until around the 11^th month, almost one year after. And I was scared of pregnancy issues. So, I was not prepared.

I mean, I was worried about how to manage pregnancy and work. Because then I was doing a seven to seven. I had to resign. Maybe that’s where I would say I was prepared. I decided to work on my own.

So, I resigned and then took in almost immediately. But I would not say I was fully prepared. Some things were very strange to me. I just had to mature and face them head-on.

Aisha: Well, quitting work ahead of taking in, seems pretty intentional. How were you able to navigate the challenges though? Did you read any books? Talk to anybody?

Did you have anybody staying with you? Like maybe an experienced midwife or mother figure?

R: Yes, I had my mom, and I also had my doctor. I was always talking to them. My mom, she didn’t experience hand arthritis. And of course, I had earlier mentioned that I spoke to the doctor about it as well.

So, I would always listen to both of them, my doctor especially. I also joined some support groups where people could share their own experiences too and how they, you know, overcame it and all that. And also, I read a book, Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize.

It’s one book I think every pregnant woman needs to read.

I would not say I was fully prepared. Some things were very strange to me. I just had to mature and face them head-on.

Aisha: Our last guest actually said the book helped her a lot. I think I might check it out too. (chuckles)

How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant? How many months gone before you realised so?

R: Well, it was January last year (2023). I had trusted God for that pregnancy to come. In fact, I thought it was going to come in December. When my period came that month, I was angry. I was like God; this wasn’t the plan o.

So, when my period was delayed in January, I took a test strip, and it was negative.

I was annoyed again. But when I didn’t see my period based on the calendar, I had to go to the hospital for a proper test. And it came out positive.

I was so excited. I almost screamed there! (Giggles).

I told my husband much later that night. We were so happy we were jumping around. We prayed and celebrated with a bottle of wine. It felt so good you know… to be an expecting mother!

Aisha: Awwwn! I can feel the excitement too. You and your hubby are too cute. How did you guys handle the cravings? It came, right?

R: Ahhh! Cravings. Yes, it did! I craved cashew nuts. I craved Cold Stone as well.

Ahh… cold stone. I took it so much that the doctor had to warn me. He said my baby would be very fat if I didn’t stop. Left to me alone, I would have taken that cold stone every day till the day of delivery.

So, I had to drop it around the fifth month. I even stopped taking milk as well so that my baby would not be big. But she still came out big though, almost 4kg.

I was a little annoyed though. I mean, I would have just continued enjoying my cold stone since she was still going to come out big anyway.

Aisha: (laughs) Cold stone plus Cashew. You really did have fun!

R: You could say that. It wasn’t all that fun though. I used to have these moods, not really mood swings. But I would cry at very little things that would not make me cry before.

Aisha: Was it like throughout the entire journey or within a particular trimester?

R: Within a particular trimester. I think when we were about to enter the third trimester. I remember one particular episode vividly. I visited this office – pension compliance. They said we should submit a particular document.

I was there to submit the document. They said it wasn’t clear, and sent me downstairs to reprint. I did so and went back upstairs with my big belly. I was already like eight months or so.

I got back to the office, and they told me the document wasn’t clear again. They asked me to go down again and reprint. Ah! I busted into tears. I was like, can you actually see me? I mean, my belly was quite big.

So, I cried o. I was crying like, you know, a child that was just beaten. People begged me. I just couldn’t stop myself, even after they had processed the document like that. I came out of the office still crying.

On another occasion, I was in church. There was an event or something. I had asked them for malt. They said malt had finished. I cried like a baby. I cried from church to home. (laughs)

Aisha: (laughs) That’s a huge amount of crying you did. (both laughing). The emotions, or moods like you called them, did you have ones that made you like laugh uncontrollably? Or was it just crying?

R: Ah, it was crying, you know. It was that crying.

Aisha: Interesting. What was the most challenging aspect of the pregnancy journey though, and how did you overcome it?

R: It’s mostly that Carpal Tunnel that affected my hands because I was always working. Always typing.

Sometimes I couldn’t even feel the back of my hands. It was that bad. I was still using the hand with the pain like that though. Cos at some point, I just said, we die here. Some days, when I use them too much, I would be unable to do anything else. I would keep the hand like that for hours, you know.

That was my most challenging experience.

Aisha: That does sound like a punishment. But at least the baby was not troublesome, yeah? Or was she?

R: The baby wasn’t troublesome at all. Sometimes I would even be worried that she didn’t disturb me because I was always moving up and down.

It was only when we got to the last trimester, that I would have difficulty getting up, or even sleeping. My stomach was already too big. For someone who enjoyed moving up and down, being that limited by my body wasn’t funny.

Other than that, the main significant issue I had was that Carpal Tunnel.

Aisha: Okay. You knew it was a girl early on?

R: Yes, I checked. I think in the fifth month.

Aisha: But given how big your belly was, did you at any point think that maybe you probably would have twins?

R: At some point, I actually thought so. But the scan only found one.

Aisha: The labour room journey, how was the experience?

R: Well, mine was a bit different because I had my baby through CS – Caesarean Section. So, I did not go through the regular labour room experience.

When I took in, we did our first scan and they found fibroids. I was put on bed rest. By then, the doctor was already leaning towards a possible CS.

By the 40^th week when we found out the baby’s head wasn’t positioned properly, it was more than confirmed. From the scan, we knew the baby was big too. So even when I had wanted them to induce me, we were advised against it.

My doctor was of the same opinion too. The head wasn’t descended yet, and while I could have waited an extra week or so, their position would not change. According to him, there was no guarantee that I would go into labour soon, and even when I finally did, the baby would have gotten even bigger and they would still advise us to go for a CS.

So, we went for the CS. It was during the CS that they discovered that the pelvis was small. That was why the baby’s head could not descend. The doctor said it’s a condition in over 30% of women.

So, when you have a small pelvis, the baby might not descend and you would have to do a CS. Or if you are lucky and the baby is small, then you just might pull off vaginal delivery.

Aisha: That was your first major surgery, yeah? Were you scared?

R: Yes, in fact, I was so scared. I insisted that my husband should be with me.

In fact, I had given my sister all my ATM cards and their pins, gave her a list of all the people that were owing me, you know. She didn’t understand, but I had to.

I didn’t want to tell my husband because then he would know I was scared, and he would be super scared. He was already shaky, and we were both holding each other, you know? It was important that I didn’t escalate it.

But I gave my sister all my information. I was that scared. Just before I got wheeled in, I was telling my husband how much I loved him and our daughter. Like I feared I was going to die. (laughs)

I didn’t want to tell my husband because then he would know I was scared, and he would be super scared. He was already shaky, and we were both holding each other, you know? It was important that I didn’t escalate it.

Aisha: Yeah, I get it. I don’t even know how I would react in that particular situation.

R: It’s the most vulnerable situation anybody can be in. You are just there. You can’t do anything. You are alive, but it’s like you’re not alive.

Feels like if you tried to jump, you’d end up on the other side.

Aisha: That’s a lot to take in, really. Did you have like a birthing plan, though? Something like that, like a checklist or something that kind of helped you and kept you going through the entire birthing process?

R: (chuckles) I think I know what you mean. Yeah, I actually had a plan like that, but we eventually did not use it.

Aisha: I see. What happened though?

R: Well, everything was happening so fast. So fast, and almost outside of things I could control. So, I just decided to let go. I remember mentioning a couple of things to the doctor, but I had insisted on my husband being with me. That was the part of my birthing plan I was not going to compromise on.

Thankfully, they granted that. He was the one who received our baby.

Aisha: That’s so beautiful. It’s really nice to have a supportive partner in all of this. Did you have any products or gadgets that made the journey easier as well? Like any you could recommend to people to try or something like that?

R: I cannot really remember any in particular. Maybe my phone cos I watched several videos of people who gave birth successfully. I avoided anyone that was scary. So, just social media.

I was also working. I kinda overworked myself. I didn’t want to feel the pressure of pregnancy, and the changing moods. So, I ensured that I gave myself so much work.

I was creating content back-to-back just to keep my mind busy. In fact, I even took jobs that I normally would not do.

Aisha: If I get you correctly, you are saying your pregnancy journey was your most productive period?

R: Oh yes! It was very productive. My energy was like that of three people. I had not been to court since 2021. I do corporate law… commercial law. I had stopped taking cases that required court appearances.

But last year, I took court cases just to be active. I took cases just so I could go out – to court. At some point, it looked like I preferred court cases.

Aisha: That’s very interesting. So, you reverted back to default settings after giving birth? Do you feel any different?

R: Well, I feel like being pregnant was the easy part of the entire journey. I could go anywhere with my baby inside me. I didn’t need an extra bag unlike now. I would go anywhere I wanted. I even flew to Lagos (from Abuja) at some point.

But now, I can’t move around like that. It’s the baby’s well-being first. I can’t even stay out late. Then there’s the lack of sleep. I can’t sleep for one hour straight.

Aisha: Oh. She cries a lot?

R: Ah. Is there any baby that does not cry? Especially that first month. I didn’t start lactating until after the first week. Once I started, the cries were on a whole other level. I have to feed her almost every two hours.

And then you have to entertain your visitors in between.

At the moment, my baby is even crying. She got immunized today. But someone is actually nursing her.

Aisha: Sorry about that. So, your mom’s around? Is that your mom or your nurse?

R: Right now, there’s someone that’s helping. My mom is not around. She has gone back. She just did Omugwo, and she’s gone back.

Aisha: Okay. But you have a doctor on standby as well, just in case of any emergency?

R: Not really on standby. We talk on the phone. Telemedicine. But I have people that I could call whenever I need something.

Aisha: Okay, so you just talk on the phone. You don’t do physical visits?

R: I do physical visits too. But I don’t really fancy that. So, I first call on the phone. When it becomes a bit serious, then I will do physical visits. But if it’s something that can be sorted out, I will just sort it out.

I feel like being pregnant was the easy part of the entire journey. I could go anywhere with my baby inside me. But now, I can’t move around like that. It’s the baby’s well-being first. I can’t even stay out late. Then there’s the lack of sleep. I can’t sleep for one hour straight.

Aisha: So, it’s been three months being a first-time mom. Did you have any baby emergency scares or anything like that?

R: Yes o! There was one day she was having difficulty breathing. I called my mother. She said it was nothing. But I wasn’t okay with that. So, I called the doctor. He was quite far, so we did a video call. He recommended nasal drops.

The next day, I called him for another issue again. It may not look too serious, but it’s been one scare after another.

I was calling my mum and the doctor. Initially, I was calling almost every three or four days. But now, it has down to once every two weeks or so. We are getting better at managing the scares.

Aisha: That’s great. We are almost wrapping up. Do you have any personal story or experience that you haven’t really been able to share with anyone before? About the pregnancy, the birthing journey, and being a first-time mom. One that people might learn from? Do you have any stories like that?

R: Well, if there’s any, it would be the CS experience. I don’t really like talking about it. Initially, I was reluctant to go through with it. And when I think about it these days, I realise I almost endangered my life and that of my baby.

I mean, the signs were there. Insisting they induced me was a wrong call on my end. I am glad that I didn’t go through with it. I feel if I had really stayed on that decision, maybe it would have been a different story.

I know someone who insisted and eventually lost her baby. Apparently, the umbilical cord had wrapped around the baby four times. When they discovered that the baby’s heartbeat was dropping, they had to do an emergency CS.

Imagine going through the pain of inducement, only to eventually do the CS, just to save the baby, and still failing to do so.

Aisha: So sorry about that. Thankfully, you listened to your doctors. Do you have any other advice for newly married women or ladies who are looking to conceive?

R: Okay. That’s a tough one.

But I would say, please just enjoy your life. Plan well, and decide when you want to take in. Own that decision. You do not want to take in accidentally, because pregnancy changes everything.

I am glad I took in when I took in. If I had taken in earlier than that, I would have suffered a lot. I mean, with respect to my finances, because I am someone who loves to work. I have never succumbed to the idea of just staying and allowing someone else to handle all the bills and all that.

So, I feel like delaying conception helped me a lot because that one year gave me enough time to build and transition from paid employment to my own business. That’s why it was a bit easier for me when I was pregnant. I was still able to do everything I needed to do.

If you’re a woman and you want to get pregnant, please just at least try something to do on the side before you even take in. Anything that can help you keep busy along the way. Even if you’re on bed rest, you could always work on your phone instead of just staying idle, yeah?

Learn a skill, using your phone, right? Something that would add value to you, and sustain you even after you give birth. It’s really now I understand why most women resign. I now know what it feels like. It’s crazy. Being unable to sleep for one month or even two.

And you are also expected to still be a wife and a mother. You are juggling that alongside your job. Any woman that can pull off that, deserves her flowers.

It is a lot, really. At some point I was like, to be a stay-at-home mom no bad o. I just wan be Odogwu wife in peace. (laughs).

The point though is, that a little financial independence helps. Any day you feel like it, you could just go to the Spa and stretch your body. You do not have to ask anybody for the money. You can get nice things for yourself too. Anything you wanted. It’s a different kind of feeling.

And then also as a mother, as an expectant mother, please get things ready for the baby. Do not wait till when it’s nine months before you start buying baby stuff. Be picking them one by one. Get the ones you can lay your hands on, and try not to bother about the ones you cannot afford.

But get things ready. Especially the important ones. Don’t get fixated on the ones that are just for aesthetics. You do not really need to break the bank to get things ready for the baby. If you are a nice person, you will get gifts from people too. Personally, I haven’t bought Pampers since I gave birth.

Also, ask questions. Don’t be too proud to ask questions and don’t reject the advice of those who have walked that path before you. I mean, some would come with seemingly negative stories and experiences. Instead of just shunning them, listen, pick the important lessons, and throw the rest into the trash.

If you’re a woman and you want to get pregnant, please just at least try something to do on the side before you even take in. Anything that can help you keep busy along the way. Also, ask questions. Don’t be too proud to ask questions and don’t reject the advice of those who have walked that path before you.

Aisha: Thank you so much. That’s a lot to take in. So much value!

One more question before we let you go though… Are you ready to go again?

R: (laughs) I was even telling my husband the other day. If I see small N50 million, I would even prefer we go for twins, and immediately.

Aisha: Ah, N50 million. E too much ooo. But at least, we know your release clause (laughs). okay.

Thank you so much for joining us. On behalf of KompleteCare, we thank you for sharing your time and giving us immense value as well. We do know for certain, that some expecting mother out there will be very grateful for this.

R: All right. Thank you for having me.